12/2/24
I finished Emma last night – again.
It’s no secret that I’m an Austen fan.
Almost always, I have one of her novels in circulation
as a sort of literary security blanket.
Her work is timeless…
and who doesn’t love a happy ending?
Anyways, as I was inhaling the last few chapters before bed,
I got to my favorite line of the novel.
In his admission of love to the protagonist,
the male lead, Mr. Knightly, says,
“If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.”
One of the reasons that Austen fans love her stories and similar period pieces
is all that lies beneath the surface.
A subdued people in a subdued culture,
characters who are madly in love often demonstrate their feelings through
fleeting physical gestures or muted conversations in a public place.
Think of Mr. Darcy’s flexed hand after helping Elizabeth into a carriage in the 2005 movie. IYKYK
“I might be able to talk about it more.”
Maybe this line gets to me because modern society is so noisy.
People can say anything and everything they want to an interconnected global audience,
and sometimes, I feel pressure to say something so that I don’t get lost or left behind.
I’m an external processor.
(help me sort through this muddled mess)
I want to feel important.
(no muddled mess here – I’ve got it all figured out)
Coming from a words of affirmation kind of lover,
I’m reminded of all the beautiful things
that are shared without speech.
Quiet moments on the couch reading or watching a movie.
A laughing glance across a dinner table,
a deep hug that pulls out the day’s frustrations –
existant due to love.
Connection.
Understanding.
“If I loved you less…”
This time of year is slow – a gift.
This time of year is reflective – a gift.
I’ve noticed myself
taking stock of my love,
connecting with the places and people
who make my life rich and meaningful.
Not really sure if I have the words…
and that’s okay.
Lightly,
Leah
Leah Kepley, M.Ed. 