10/10/22
I’m feeling better than I have in a long time. Many of you would look at me in surprise and ask, “Were you doing poorly?” and I would say in response, “Well I think so.”
You see, both feelers and repressers have their own tendencies to notice and work through, and I’ve always stuffed feelings deep down. No need to cause a commotion – keep moving forward.
But I think it might be helpful to be immobilized by your feelings from time to time. By your pain. For it to stop you in your tracks, for you to have no other option than to cry out for help in order to find your way again. In order to speak feel think again. In order to feel as if you’re inhabiting your own body and aren’t hovering two feet overhead watching your life play out.
When it doesn’t stop you – when it buries itself in, when it convinces you that you’re inseparable, when it becomes your day-to-day companion – then it’s easy to believe its lies and to keep moving. You’ve got a 90 pound duffel strapped to your back, weighing you down, making each step more painful more strenuous than the last – but you’ve forgotten what it feels like to walk unburdened. Life becomes one night out after another life becomes another drink life becomes anything that makes you feel alive for a moment and then you go right back to a dull aimless aching.
I’m feeling better than I have in a long time. I’ve started waking up early and walking. I’ve started talking to Jesus a lot more, and I’m taking stock of distractions. I’ve been reading before bed. I’m staying on top of my assignments.
I’m feeling better than I have in a long time… stepping a lot more lightly.
Leah
Leah Kepley, M.Ed. 